For a time during the summer I hosted couchsurfers at my place and I had quite a few interesting ones over. One of them told me”I think you have to high expectations of yourself.” and I know he was right. A matter of fact, quite a lot of people I’ve met during my travels have told me exactly the same thing.
You know, I have this grandiose view of myself in the future. I would be financial independent, traveling the world, maybe have some businesses going, friends all over the world, awesome at surfing, playing guitar, people count on me, I’m charismatic, I’m good at coaching people and a lot more.
I’m lightyears from becoming that person and I know that nobody can be that perfect. But for some reason I can’t let that image of myself go. For in the back of my mind I’m thinking I can be that good, even if I couldn’t it’s something to strive towards. I’m not sure that’s healthy. I think that’s what the other people thought as well.
I had a conversation with a friend not long ago and he praised me you are pretty smart, you’ve done this and that. I was like, ”thanks, but I’m not that great” etc. After a while he said ”I think you’re self-image are a bit screwed.” ”Maybe you’re right” I answered.
Today I thought about it because I haven’t really done anything productive I thought. But if I list what I’ve done it’s still ok, I’ve been to the bank, returned some keys to my colleague, thrown out my shelf, cooked food, updated my student account at the gym, studied, practiced guitar. But it feels like I’ve been watching series the whole day and it feels like I could be more productive that I could have done more, should have done more. That lowers ones confidence or self-esteem. But if I wouldn’t have such high standards maybe I would feel better. Maybe.
Who am I 