It’s over soon. My schoolsemester here. It feels both good and bad actually. But it feels like the time have gone very fast. Btw, heard that Loreen won ESC. Nobody knows here of course, I bet it was very exciting outdoors even though a lot of people say that they don’t watch. As soon as Sweden wins everybody wants to celebrate.
Anyway, I went to a little national park today, Burleigh Heads. You can call it a small mountain. Walk around there and it was a couple of beaches nearby as well. A walk always feels good. Especially when you have a lot of stuff in your mind. It’s pretty amazing how my mind can keep me occupied sometimes. Sometimes I can escape it though. I think it helped a little bit when I was busy with uni stuff then you have other things to think about. But I also tried not to write here during that time, I think that it maybe was a bad thing. Because I also stopped writing for myself. And now everythings come back to me so I write as much as I can right now.
You maybe are wondering what’s on my mind right now. A lot of times I’m thinking about all the choices I made in the past that led me here. Where I am today. To who I am today. I neglected a bunch of other stuff with every choice I made. But of course I never will know who I would have been if I had made other choices. Small and big everything fits together. Some choices maybe don’t make much difference, for example. I cannot come up with an example actually. But some choices you just don’t really care about. It doesn’t feel like they gonna make an impact on your life. Then there are other choices in your life that you know will have a huge impact on your life. The defining moment, a lot of people are talking about, when did you know? How come you did this? How come you did that? What made you do this or that? Almost like it most be some important moment that changes their life.
It feels a little bit like that right now for me. Well, not exactly because I already made the choice. But I have no idea how it will turn out. I keep doubting if I’m doing the right thing. Not really that either. I know it’s the right thing to do. What I’m thinking about is if I would be able to follow through. If I can make that vision a reality. It’s feels like a lot of things can go wrong. And I can’t really do anything about it right now. It makes me feel… A little bit helpless, and I hate that feeling. I’m so ready to go for it. But I can’t do anything right now. It feels like I done all the things I can do. Pretty much.
I shouldn’t think about it right now since I can’t do anything about it. It just makes my worry to much. That’s why now is the only things that matters. And I think that’s why I’m facinated by the eastern philosophy, mainly Buddhism.
The choice that I’m thinking about is that I decided to stay here a little bit longer. It have grown since the start of the semester. Actually maybe a little bit before that. To travel around a little bit before I get home. But when I came here I realized that I wouldn’t have enough funds. Then I though I just travel with the remaining funds after this semester. I don’t remember who or what or when I got the idea that I could work here after my semester because I didn’t really want to work during my studies. But my visa expires too early. So looking for alternative and I found out that I could get a W&T visa. So that’s what I’m gonna do, get a new visa, find a job, work and then travel around. Sounds easy. But it’s so much that need to happend in order for that to become a reality.