Thoughts about my thoughts

I’m attending a class called Interpersonal Skills. It’s really basic but we ran through a very interesting topic. Self-disclosure, how much you reveal about yourself. That’s interesting because we were talking about how much we should self disclose and when. Suddenly a girl raises her hand and said “That’s not right, I’m not close to a girl and we rarely talk with eachother but I always knows when she has a fight with her boyfriend because of facebook.”

Social media and internet changes everything. Today we know more about people than before. And it feels a little bit weird because every time we meet something seems off. I think it’s the same thing with my blog. It feels like I’m self-disclosing so much about myself. To be honest I’m not sure if I would be able to talk to you about this stuff face to face. But next time we meet, you know so much about me. I don’t think that would be a problem though. The problem is that you don’t get the whole picture of me. This part I’m showing here, not much of this is known to people I interact with everyday. What I think they see is a friendly and polite guy who is always happy and always smiling. And he’s pretty funny from time to time but not talkative. I think that’s the general impression of me.

I wonder what kind of impression people get if they only read this blog. Especially people who never met me, not that I think that it will ever happen, but that would be interesting to know. N called me a two faces person. It felt so true, but I think a lot of people are multi faces people. You just know a few of them. To people that I don’t meet regularly I think some of them see me as the party guy, some of them see me as the boring guy, some of them see me as the nerdy guy and some of them see me as the shy guy. It would be interesting to know, what impression I make actually.

Anyway, got a little bit off track. What I’ve been thinking about is Why is that? How come I have a hard time self-disclose face to face with people. And I’ve come up with a couple of reasons:

I don’t wanna know how you react. – You maybe get scared of me, or you maybe don’t know how to react. It maybe feels weird. You maybe start disliking me. I don’t wanna know. Well, I think I would talk more if I feel that you liked me more. But the thing is, I’m probably so self conscious or thinking about what you think of me that I lose track of my thought.

It’s easier when I don’t have to pay attention to someone – Same principle as above.

It feels better – Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know why. It just feels better when I write everything down.

I’m afraid that you would think less of me or don’t care about what I’m saying – Relate to the first one actually. I’m afraid of that people won’t like me if I reveal who I am, my thoughts and feelings.

I’ve been watching stats sometimes. But I think I will stop doing that.

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En reaktion på ”Thoughts about my thoughts

  1. It’s interesting for you to make this studies trip. Maybe after this trip you will have one more side of Toni, a complete new side for all of us.. ^^, funny to see that side ..

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