Back from Cairns now. It was quite of an experience. It was so wierd. Skulle kalla det mångfasetterad. Eller vad man kallar det.
Actually not much happend. Well, a lot happend. But it was mainly two things that happend. I learnt more about myself and I got my diving licence!
Damn! How can I describe the feeling? We got it under water on the bottom. The last thing we had to do was to take of our mask, put it on and clear it from water. I’m not sure how I should put it. But I can tell you this, I was so fucking scared.
The first two days we had theory and we also trained in the pool. One of the first thing we were supposed to do in the pool was to put on the gastube and breath underwater with our eyes closed. It maybe don’t sounds that bad, I didn’t think it was hard either. But man, I was so wrong. So wrong.
He explained what we were supposed to do and told us to put our regulators on. Which I did, as I said before, I thought that would be easy. It is easy. Then all of us went down under the surface. I tell you what I’m not really a water person and are not at all comfortable to be under water or even swim. As soon my head was underwater, I felt water go up in my nose and as a breathe a lot of bubbles came up right in my face. A thousand voices shouted, literally shouted in my head, ”You cannot breathe!”, ”Go up to the surface!”, ”You gonna drown!”. And I haven’t even sitten down yet. I started to feel a feeling I haven’t felt for a very long time. It was crippling from my chest up towards my head. Fear! I fight the instinct to rush to the surface with everything I got and sat down on the bottom. Everything was dark and I got the feeling that everything around me was getting smaller and I felt it was harder to breathe. I was like ”Fuck! I can’t do it!”, ”Yes! You can. Just endure a little bit longer. You don’t want to be the only one to fail this. Just a little bit longer. Relaxed. Concentrate on your breathing.” Then the voices in my head changed strategy. ”It’s so more comfortable to breathe above surface” ”It’s ok to get up, you can just say that you thought you were suppose to go up.” ”This maybe isn’t something for you” ”You never been a waterperson anyway.” ”You will never meet these people again anyway”. For the first time, here in Australia, no, I think in my whole life. I felt really lonely. I mean really really lonely. I just felt like crying. Then I heard the signal and rose to the surface. ”Yes! I did it!”
I was so relieved and a little bit ashamed of my thoughts and my fears. ”It was nothing hard, I kid could have done that and I almost cried.” And the other seemed ok aswell. ”Haha, it was nothing.” I laughed it away. Laughed at my own sillyness. But I still remembered.
That was in the pool, it was almost the same thing with the mask. When you take of your mask, you close your eyes if you want to see clearly after that. I always had problem with it. We practised a few times in the pool and out in the sea aswell. But I always had a problem with it. So when the moment came and I did it. Omg! The feeling was incredible. Indescribable. So fucking awesome. And when he gave me my diving licence. I was so glad that I actually cried a little bit.
That wasn’t actually my dream, but it’s that moment I remembered the most. My dream was to dive at the great barrier reef. And it was there I conquered one of my fears. And I saw two stingrays, two sharks, scratched a turtle, saw more turtles, saw nemo and a lot of other fishes.
I just realized, Cairns was a wonderful experience. One dream accomplished! 100+ to go.